Our spirituality is the core of who we are and our way of being in the world. The late Dr. James Fowler – a United Methodist theologian at Emory University – wrote in Stages of Life, “Spirituality is the way in which a person understands and lives life in the view of her or his ultimate meaning, beliefs, and values.”
As we age, our spiritual well-being is tested and refined through the frequent experiences of transitions and loss such as illness and disability, death of loved ones, and changes in social position and economic conditions. In order to age well, we need to cultivate our spiritual well-being.
The following is a list of suggested spiritual practices that can deepen our awareness of the essential spiritual part of life and provide frameworks for navigating aging with grace and joy. As we engage in these spiritual practices, we have an opportunity to affirm and deepen our relationship with God, self, community, and all of God’s creation. Done right, old age can be some of the happiest years of our life.
1. Practice Listening Attentively – Don’t be too quick in giving your opinion or making a judgment. Listening attentively or active listening requires the listener to pay close attention to what is being communicated verbally and nonverbally. Empathy is demonstrated in active listening by the listener reflecting the thoughts and feelings of the speaker. These thoughts and feelings are believed, supported, and respected, not dismissed or challenged.
2. Practice Letting Go — Aging has sometimes been compared to a process of stripping down to the basics. Spiritually mature adults have discovered that this stripping-down process can usher in a new sense of freedom. We can cooperate with the process by voluntarily releasing our excess possessions, unrealistic expectations of others and ourselves, and old grudges and resentments. New energy is discovered when we release what we no longer need or what is ultimately harming us or weighing us down. Letting go of the past, including people who hurt you, may involve accepting what you can’t control, taking accountability, and focusing on the lessons learned.
3. Practice Expressing Gratitude — Looking for and noting the small and large graces and gifts of each day infuses our lives with meaning, even in the midst of great difficulties. Expressing our gratitude — to God, to the person who blessed our day with helpfulness and humor, or to life itself — contributes to becoming a person for whom others are grateful. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
4. Practice Showing Kindness — We don’t always have control of our life circumstances or what is going on around us. What we can control is our response and we can almost always find a way to be kind. Giving others the benefit of the doubt or making that extra small gesture doesn’t cost much in the end but contributes to our soul’s growth and expands our capacity for empathy and compassion.
5. Practice Being Generous – Being generous is a virtue but it’s also a practiced skill and behavior. Practicing generosity can transform you from being someone who does generous things to being a generous person. Being a generous person is a virtue derived from your actions and beliefs. The source of your generosity will depend on your life circumstances — time, money, encouragement, aid and assistance., etc. Generosity is characterized by freely giving good things and is often uninhibited and unrestricted. It is given without seeking something in return.
6. Practice Demonstrating Generativity – Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson used the term generativity to describe an important stage in human development when adults choose to demonstrate a concern for establishing and guiding the next generation. When older adults choose to enter a generative stage of life, we focus on teaching, guiding, sharing, role modeling, encouraging, inspiring, supporting, and finding the necessary resources for the growth of the next generation.
7. Practice Creation Care – God’s wonderful creation is in trouble. We live with the growing reality of climate change, melting ice caps, wildfires, floods, and droughts. While there are many opinions about the cause of extreme weather events, these events could become the new normal for the rest of our lives. God gave us a beautiful planet and the Bible tells us to take responsibility of God’s good creation. To mitigate the most severe consequences of climate change, it’s going to take millions of people making smart changes to their daily routines to “green: their lives. By being a creation care advocate, we can urge churches and communities to promote renewable energy over fossil fuels.
8. Practice Making New Connections — If we are fortunate to live long enough, we may find that our circle of friends and family diminishes in size. Yet study after study has shown that those with significant ties to others fare better in the aging process. Practice making new connections and keeping old ones vital. Don’t wait for others to contact you — pick up the phone, send an email or text, write that note, or invite a new neighbor for coffee. If you value connection with others, both young and old alike, put yourself in the places where you make connection most easily on a regular basis. Be a friend to others and let others be a friend to you.
9. Practice Simply Being — One of the laments of aging is the increased lack of energy and the inability to do as much or as many of the activities we previously enjoyed. We live in a culture that values and validates productivity and busyness. As such, many older adults lament that we can’t be active doers. A counter-intuitive response is to practice simply being and intentionally taking time — maybe an hour each day — where we give ourselves permission to do nothing but be in the presence of God and to acknowledge that we are not “human doings” but “human beings.”
10. Practice Being Yourself — The goal of our spiritual journey is to become our most authentic self. After we age, it no longer matters as much what people think of us. What matters is that we are being true to ourselves and our own uniqueness. Say yes to the things that bring you joy and quit doing things that don’t. Explore the parts of yourself that you left behind as you climbed the career ladder or raised a family. Listen to your life in all of its complexity and give thanks for the journey you’ve taken.
11. Practice Having a Joyful Heart. Joy, like generosity and kindness, is an intentional practice. It is a primary component of our spiritual well-being. When we intentionally cultivate a joyful heart, we fight off feelings of depression, sadness, and gloom. Each day, intentionally bring awareness to something you enjoy. It could be anything: a morning cup of coffee, a nature walk, an interaction with someone you appreciate or love, or the simple presence of a beloved pet. Finding joy in others’ happiness can lessen our resentment or our own sense of inadequacy and envy.
Dr. Richard H. Gentzler, Jr., is Director of Older Adult Ministry for the ENCORE Ministry Foundation.